Juggling Act

The joy of walking

israelm — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 17:57:43 +0000

It is during my early morning walks that I reflect on the joys of life: my relationships with my daughter, mother, siblings, family and friends, the magic of sunlight filtering through dew-soaked trees, the art of spider webs, the power of faith.

I’ve found a trail near my home that stretches for six miles through wetlands and trees. I enjoy the sounds of the birds and crickets and the croaking of animals unseen who live in the wetlands. It’s a time of reflection and prayer.

Here is some of the beauty that I encounter during my hour walk most weekdays and up to two hours on Saturdays. Ah.

Walking for a purpose

Writing a back to school contract

israelm — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 17:44:25 +0000

It’s back to school time and at our house we are trying something different this year. My 15-year-old daughter and I entered into a contract outlining the expectations for the school year.

As a 10th grader, she’s entering critical parts of her high school experience, both academic and social. Now is the time when she not only must make sure she’s taking the appropriate courses required for college, she also has to be mindful of grades. She also wants time to hang out with friends at football games and other activities. So, I figured that my daughter, who only sees the floor of her closet every few months when I insist that she clear it out, might benefit from an organizational contract. It also would be a preventive measure for some of the issues we dealt with last school year. For example, my daughter would claim that she was studying while sending text messages to friends, who claimed they were studying too. I don’t think so.

We developed a contract outlining study time on weekdays and weekends. During these hours she must put away her IPod and cell phone. We set a daily curfew for texting and use of the internet and IPod. She got Fabulous Fridays, when she can do whatever she wants after school– go to a football game, hang out with friends, watch a movie, read a book. We figured out a schedule for weekly chores around the house and formalized family dinner at least three times during the week and on Sundays. We’ll also huddle on Sunday evenings to synchronize schedules for the upcoming week and talk about any problems. Most importantly, my daughter agreed to do her best academically.

Of course, all contracts have penalties and we included some in ours: loss of computer, IPod and texting time, for instance. There are benefits, too. My daughter wants a new cell phone, and if all goes well the first semester, she’ll be able to get one at the end of the year.

The first few days of school have gone well. Today, my daughter got back in bed after her alarm clock went off but when she finally got up, she moved in a whirlwind to dress, grab a breakfast bar and walk out the door at 6:20 a.m. to catch the school bus. The high schools start early here in Charlotte and getting to the bus stop on time last school year was challenging for my daughter. This year, I told her, I am no longer offering taxi service. It’s in the contract.

Learning to travel alone

israelm — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 20:56:37 +0000

A few days before it was time for my daughter to travel on Amtrak, I started having doubts about whether it was a good idea to send her alone to visit her grandmother.

My primary fear was that some criminal-minded person might try to force her to get off the train prior to her destination. Then I realized that I was exaggerating the possibility of an incident on the train and focused on the safety procedures in place for unaccompanied minors.

About 5,100 children travel alone annually on trains, according to Amtrak. None under the age of 8 are allowed without an adult. Staff are available to offer guidance and minors are not allowed to change trains during travel.

My 15-year-old daughter is starting the 10th grade in a few days so she’s not a little girl and, of course, didn’t appreciate my angst. A few of my friends teased me for being overprotective; others understood my reluctance.

My teenage daughter and I are entering new territory, in which she wants more independence and I have to find the courage to give it to her. Her push for freedom is the essence of adolescence. There isn’t a name for this period in the life of a parent but maybe it ought to be called Parental Puberty, the time when parents must accept the maturity of their children and learn how to endure the stress of it. The teen wants to learn to drive; the parent has to take deep breaths, relax and learn how to start the process of letting go. You get the idea.

My daughter listened impatiently to my instructions on what to do in case of an emergency and boarded the early morning train with ease. I stood outside and watched until the train pulled off. She called me when she arrived about two hours later and was leaving the station with an aunt.

“How was the train ride,” I asked.

”All I did was read my book and I took a nap,” she responded, sounding as if she regularly traveled alone on trains.

”That’s great,” I told her.

”Mom,” she said, “it was boring.”

Translation: Nothing happened.

A passion for scrapbooking

israelm — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 17:29:59 +0000

It was nearly 1 a.m. and I could barely keep my eyes open but I didn’t want to stop scrapbooking. So I finished cutting and pasting decorative papers on a small cardboard-like page, checked on my daughter and her friend, who were asleep on an airbed, and went to bed. My good buddy and scrap booker extraordinaire didn’t budge. She didn’t stop until 3 a.m.

And that was after we had been scrapbooking all day, from 8:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., during classes at a scrapbooking convention here in Charlotte.

I’ll admit it. I’m hooked on scrapbooking and have been doing it since my 15-year-old daughter was an infant. My scrapbooking buddy, who came to visit from Maryland with her 15-year-old daughter, introduced me to the hobby. Obviously, it was no accident that she scheduled a visit to coincide with the scrapbooking convention. We have been attending one together for many years, to learn new techniques for creating attractive pages, find interesting decorative paper and lettering, and get ideas from other scrap bookers.

It’s hard to explain this passion to folks who don’t want to sit for hours, mulling over pictures and scraps of paper, figuring out how to turn them into personal works of art that showcase special moments of a life. It’s a unique form of storytelling, far more powerful than leafing through pictures mindlessly tucked into a photo album or tossed in a shoe box. Ultimately, the scrapbooks become a treasured part of family history.

Over the years, I’ve captured the traditional celebratory events –birthday parties, Christmas, vacations. But I also have pictures of my daughter giggling and dancing and primping in front of the mirror. I’ve captured my mother in her favorite hat, making homemade biscuits (a dying art), rolling her hair. And I journal, sharing the significance of what’s happening in the pictures.

I’m planning a special scrapbook for my daughter’s 16th birthday and have started the one I’m going to give my mother on her 80th. There’s immense joy and satisfaction in creating scrapbook stories.

Are you a scrap booker? Do share your scrapbooking tips and experiences.

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Volunteering at the animal shelter

israelm — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 19:30:28 +0000

My 15-year-old daughter has been working this summer. As a volunteer.

She mops and scrubs. She empties smelly pans. She gets to play with Sunshine, Minnie, Rascal, Chocolate Chip, Shiloh, Mama, Romeo, Rowdy, Minnie and other cats at an area animal shelter. She’s enjoying the experience.

My daughter is volunteering at a no-kill shelter, where shelter operators offer the cats and dogs for adoption and give them a place to live if no one takes them home. The animals have become family to the folks who take care of them. School starts in a couple weeks and my daughter is already talking about how she’ll miss going to the shelter a few days every week. But she is planning to work there some weekends during the school year.

My daughter fell for cats as a toddler, when the tabby I had owned for many years became an affectionate playmate. Afi didn’t seem to mind too much when my growing daughter squeezed her a bit too tightly, picked her up roughly or pulled her tail. Afi passed away when my daughter was 9-years-old and we haven’t gotten another pet.

I’m certain my daughter will always remember her first job. It is at the animal shelter this summer that she’s learning more about responsibility, following directions, doing the best she can at any task — sweeping and mopping and helping to care for the animals.

My first job was as a babysitter for the 5-year-old boy next door. I was 15 then and had plenty of experience; I had been a babysitter for my three sisters, including one who is nine years younger. That summer, I worked nights to take care of the boy while his mother worked a late shift. It didn’t matter that the pay was minimal. I was thrilled.

Are your teenagers working this summer, either for satisfaction or a salary?

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My mom’s excellent shopping adventure

israelm — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 17:17:15 +0000

A few days before my daughter and I were planning to visit my mother, she called with a surprising request: “I’d like to go shopping. Will you take me?”

Wow. My mother has not been in a grocery or clothing store in more than a year because it’s been difficult and painful for her to walk and stand. Even when we offered to pick up a few items for her, a pair of pants and a blouse, she declined. She never really talked about it but we figured it was hard for her to think about appearance when she was feeling so poorly and didn’t really go anywhere except doctor’s offices.

Since knee replacement surgery in March, she’s been stepping out. I was thrilled to take her shopping; she wanted to arrive just as the store opened so she could easily maneuver her walker, the kind with a built-in seat for rest breaks. My 15-year-old daughter went with us.

Mom found a couple pair of pants, two blouses and a nightgown. My daughter left us to look at the trendy clothes in the junior department. We were in and out of the store in a little over an hour.

“That must have felt good,” I said to my mother, “to be able to go shopping and find a couple outfits.” She turned to me as we were riding in the car and smiled. “It did,” she said. “It really did.”

A food adventure begins

My mom’s world is growing again

israelm — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 16:50:13 +0000

My mother recently visited her sister, who lives in a neighborhood less than a mile away. Of course, the siblings see each other often and talk daily on the phone, but for more than a year my mother had not been to her sister’s home. The outing marked a significant change in my Mom’s life.

That afternoon, my nearly 80-year-old mother put on her trademark summer hat, climbed into my car and in a few minutes was sitting on my aunt’s screened-in patio. She was smiling, joking and clearly free of the emotional strain and pain that had her kept her virtually homebound for many months. My Mom’s world shrank but now it is growing again.

My mother has had difficulty walking and standing and intense pain drowned out a lot of her joy. She has lost some sight in one of her eyes and can no longer drive. Four months ago, she had knee replacement surgery on her left leg. “I’m going to do what it takes to make my knee better,” my mother told us as the recovery began. She has.

After a short stay in a rehabilitation center and weeks of physical therapy, she doesn’t miss a day doing at-home knee exercises. She walks most days –starting with only a few steps to the end of the driveway– through her neighborhood for at least 30 minutes, using a walker to prevent falls. When she’s inside, she walks without a cane or walker. She is no longer experiencing excruciating pain.

My mother was able to go to a backyard cookout on July 4 at the home of one of my sisters. She will be returning to church some Sundays. She thinks she’ll have the stamina soon to travel a couple hours to visit my daughter and me.

My mother is healthier and happy. I am grateful for these blessings.

Me & Grandma: Teaching my daughter to cook

israelm — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 17:37:52 +0000

During the school year, my daughter wasn’t interested in eating breakfast. She wasn’t inclined to eat anything before catching a 6:30 a.m. school bus. So she grabbed breakfast bars, fruit, bagels and other convenient on-the-go foods to eat when she could after the 7:15 a.m. start of classes.

This summer, however, she has found her breakfast groove. As a result of her growing confidence in the kitchen, she has been pulling together robust morning meals. Whole wheat pancakes and turkey bacon. Biscuits and eggs. Biscuits, turkey bacon and cantaloupe. Cinnamon raisin toast and turkey sausage.

I have been giving my 15-year-old daughter cooking lessons, with help from other family members. For a year, I’ll be teaching her the basics, along with family recipes, and hopefully stir in her an interest in preparing a variety of healthy foods. My Mom, sisters and an aunt are helping. Our guide is “Martha Stewart’s Cooking School” cookbook.

I’ve been delighted to see my daughter take charge of preparing some of her food. She is increasingly spending more time in the kitchen, either to wash dishes or help out when we aren’t having a class. And, she goes with me regularly to the grocery store or farmer’s market.

One morning recently, my daughter decided to experiment for breakfast. She prepared a sandwich: an egg and turkey, fried in a bit of olive oil, with cheese on whole wheat bread. She understands that eggs have a lot of cholesterol and eats no more than three a week.

Some of her friends from Maryland will be visiting us for a few days in August. I’m going to turn the kitchen over to my daughter for breakfast.

Me & Grandma: Teaching my daughter to cook

israelm — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 17:19:13 +0000

Of my three sisters and me, Barbara is the well-regarded cook, the one who always brings flavorful dishes to family gatherings or whips them up with ease and flair at her home. Many times when we’re talking by phone, particularly on weekends, I ask, “What did you prepare for dinner?” I don’t try to duplicate her efforts, I just enjoy sharing her delight as she talks about what she has put together for her family.

Barbara readily agreed to participate in my at-home cooking school for my daughter and took over our kitchen on a recent visit. My daughter wanted to learn how to prepare her aunt’s baked spaghetti. It’s one of those dishes that doesn’t last too long when my sister serves it.

“I’m going to show you how to whirl in the kitchen, just like your grandmother taught us,” my sister told my daughter. I know my sister absorbed our mom’s cooking style better than I did. My sister likes to move quickly when she cooks, just as she doesn’t like to linger over the dinner table after a meal. I like to sit and talk a while; she prefers to get up and do the dishes immediately, then talk.

So my daughter and sister chopped green peppers and onions, and sautéed the ground beef. Keep everything clean, my sister told my daughter, as they wiped counters and washed dishes after they used them. Now, I did get that message from our mother and it’s been one that I also have been repeating to my daughter. They added tomato sauce and spices. While that simmered to meld the flavors, my daughter boiled the whole wheat spaghetti.

“I’m enjoying teaching somebody to cook,” my sister said as she watched my daughter wash a few dishes. My sister has an adult son, and when he was growing up he wasn’t interested in learning how to prepare food, only eating lots of it.

I started teaching my 15-year-old daughter how to maneuver in the kitchen – that is, to cook more than eggs – earlier this year as part of a year-long effort to teach her basic cooking skills and favorite family recipes. My sister is helping, as is my nearly 80-year-old mother and an aunt. I’m using “Martha Stewart’s Cooking School” cookbook as a guide.

My sister shared a few of her techniques for making sure the pasta dish was tasty: use some of the sauce to coat the cooked spaghetti before layering it in a casserole dish with sauce and shredded cheese, that way the spaghetti won’t be dry. Add a bit of sugar to bring out the flavor of the tomatoes in the sauce. At our house, she also used some of the heirloom tomatoes from our small tomato garden.

My sister and daughter had a good time being together in the kitchen and will cook the next time at her house. “I’ll give her a cooking lesson anytime, just let me know when you want me to do it,” Barbara told me. I have a feeling she’ll enjoy them more than my daughter.

Gardening magic

israelm — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 15:46:09 +0000

For nearly two weeks now, I’ve been eating tomatoes every day. Tomatoes and turkey bacon. Tomato sandwiches. Tomatoes, cucumbers and feta cheese. Tomatoes, squash and onions. Tomatoes and okra. Tomatoes and basil. Or, just plain tomatoes.

My daughter and I planted a small tomato garden during the spring in a community garden plot and we’re now enjoying the bounty. I love tomatoes and prefer to eat them only during the summer when they’re fresh, juicy and tasty. But I’ve never had any of the tomatoes we’ve been enjoying and I’ve been blown away by the flavors. My daughter is liking them as well but doesn’t eat them as often.

We planted several varieties of heirloom tomatoes, which are generally considered old-fashioned varieties of the fruit and are often produced from seeds passed down through several generations. Heirlooms are considered to be more flavorful than hybrid tomatoes, grown for commercial distribution.

Here is a list of tomatoes that are delighting our taste buds: Mortgage Lifter, large, sweet and pinkish, described as the perfect tomato-sandwich tomato; Black Prince, medium-sized, deep garnet, with an intense flavor; Dixie Golden Giant, large, lemon-yellow, with a sweet, robust flavor; Sugar Plum, grape-shaped and plentiful, with a sweet flavor.

We’ve been sharing the tomatoes with friends and look forward to picking more off the vines in coming weeks. I’m looking for some new tomato recipes. I’m even thinking about freezing a few.

Do share a few of your gardening stories or tomato recipes.

Gardening magic